


The near and the dear ones (War is Over)

by ArgentSleeper



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Christmas Party, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Makeup Sex, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-23
Updated: 2014-11-23
Packaged: 2018-02-26 19:35:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2663846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArgentSleeper/pseuds/ArgentSleeper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years ago, Merlin left Arthur at the altar with no explanation and disappeared from his life.  Now he's back, and Arthur's not sure he's ready to hear what he has to say.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The near and the dear ones (War is Over)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [viennajones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/viennajones/gifts).



> I hope you love your fic, viennajones! I looked at your prompts and this just sprang into life. Merry Christmas!
> 
> Thank you a zillion to my wanderful beta (whose name will be revealed once the anonymity is over) for the quick edit and plot help!

Arthur gave a tight-lipped smile as he gazed around the gathering.  “How long do you suppose we have to stay to get out of a lecture from Father?”

Morgana just flicked him in the head and rolled her eyes.  “Longer than twenty seconds.  Relax, Arthur.  It’s a Christmas party, not a sentencing.”

 _Maybe for you_.  In his experience, any function Arthur attended, from parties to business meetings to Friday night dinner was a trial where he and his father were concerned.  “Let’s just get this over with.”

The party was being hosted by Elena Greene, the daughter of one of Uther’s new business associates.  Arthur supposed he should be happy Elena already had a husband, heading off an attempt at matchmaking from the start.  Though Arthur had his own buffer against such things in the form of Mithian Nemeth, who patted his arm comfortingly before taking his hand.

“I’m sure it won’t be so bad as you think.  I’ve heard Elena’s lovely.  You can spend the night talking to her and Uther won’t even be able to say you’ve shirked your duties.”

“No, he’ll just say I’ve shirked you.”

“I hardly think you’re going to spend the entire night flirting with her.  Now,” Mithian flicked the other side of his head, “stop being such a downer.  It’s a party, Arthur.”

Arthur muttered an apology and pasted a bright smile on his face.  He allowed the girls to lead him through the house, briefly greeting any business associates he passed.  The party was in full swing, with champagne flowing smoothly and full plates of finger foods being served about by a bevy of men and woman in Santa hats.  Arthur had yet to spot his father, but there was no doubt Uther was there and making his presence known elsewhere.  He decided it was best to follow Morgana’s and Mithian’s advice and put their imminent confrontation –because really, did they have any other type of interaction? – to the back of his mind for now.

Instead Arthur focused on searching for Elena so they could greet her and do the proper hostess thanks routine.  He’d never actually met Elena or her husband Gwaine, but he’d seen plenty of photos in the tabloids.  The headlines had not been kind about her decision to marry a poor bartender from Ireland six months ago.  Every detail of their wedding preparations had been scrutinized.  Even now that he had opened his own quite successful chain of pubs in England, the mutters that he wasn’t worthy of his bride continued.

Arthur could relate.

“I think that’s her over there.”  Mithian pointed to a blonde woman with flyaway hair secured in a loose sloppy braid and a nervous-looking man with brown hair nearly as long as hers but far more extensively groomed.  From the cocksure grin on his face, Arthur would bet a good few hours had been spent on getting it to look just right.  He snorted as the image of Gwaine in front of the mirror performing the same makeup routine Morgana did every day popped into his head.

“Mrs Greene, thank you for inviting us to this gathering.  Your home is beautiful.”  Arthur took Elena’s hand to shake it warmly, stopping short of giving it a kiss as his father always did.  Some practices were a bit too much when it came to greeting strangers.  “My name is Arthur Pendragon.  This is my sister, Morgana, and my partner, Mithian Nemeth.”

“A pleasure to meet you,” Elena smiled.  “This is my husband, Gwaine.  Pardon his surliness.  His playdate isn’t here yet.”  She sounded far more fond than scolding, so Arthur supposed this was a long-standing joke between them.

“Em promised he was coming,” Gwaine said absent-mindedly, ignoring them and scanning the crowd.   

Elena snorted in a very unlady-like fashion at her husband’s behaviour.  “I promise, as soon as he gets here, you two can go off and start a very formal Wii tournament or something.”

Arthur wanted to beg to join them, but he knew he would be in huge trouble if he skived off the party to play games, even with the husband of his host.

It wasn’t that the idea of the party was so terrible.  He quite liked parties.  Arthur didn’t even actually mind talking to associates.  In fact he quite liked that too.  It was when the two collided so that he couldn’t even feel like it was a break from the office that he had a problem.  But when his only non-business companions were Mithian and Morgana –who had informed him he was to get lost as soon as possible- his options for leisure conversation were limited.

“Ah, there he is.  See, I told you Merlin wouldn’t let you down.”

Arthur flinched at the name, his heart freezing in horror.  It was a coincidence.  It had to be.  There was no way that his –that _Merlin_ would be invited to party like this, let alone willingly attend it.

But the moment he heard the voice, like the song of a ghost from his past, he could not deny it.

“I highly considered it.  Do you know how far of a walk it is from the bus station?  There’s a reason I make you chauffer me if you want me to come to this monstrosity of a house.”

Arthur wanted to dissolve into the floor or float away or otherwise turn invisible, anything to avoid this meeting.  Morgana had no such compunctions.

“ _You!_ ” she hissed, spinning on her four-inch heel.  “How _dare_ you show your face here?”

There was an audible squeak.  “M-Morgana?”  Then, on a breath, _“Arthur?”_

Elena and Gwaine frowned.  “Sorry, do you know each other?” Elena asked.  Arthur let out a strangled laugh at the superfluidity of the question.  It was quite obvious to even a child that there was more than a passing acquaintance between Arthur’s group and the newcomer.

Arthur realized his grip on Mithian’s hand had tightened to the point where both them were starting to turn white.  He released it to ball the shaking appendage into a fist.  He couldn’t make himself turn around.  Instead he glanced sidelong at Morgana.  “No,” he said, and walked away.

 

* * *

 

_“You are a massive prat, and I hate you.”_

_“Okay.  Is that a yes then?”  Arthur had only paid for a five minute pause at the top of the ride.  Not that he couldn’t have afforded more, but he hadn’t thought he’d need it._

_Merlin cringed as a gust of wind rocked their seat.  “It’s a no because I hate you.  Seriously, Arthur?  A Ferris wheel?  Did you just go ‘Hmm, where’s the one place I can propose to Merlin where he’ll be too terrified to say no?  Well, I guess a lightning storm is a bit too unpredictable.  How ‘bout a tiny swinging basket a hundred metres in the air?”_

_“First of all, I could have taken you to a Van de Graaf machine.  Second of all, do you really not remember our first date?”_

_“First date?  You mean that time you kidnapped me and put a blindfold on me and swore it was just the swan boats and really it turned out you were a homicidal maniac?”_

_“Yes, that time.  We had our first kiss.”_

_“And then we got to the ground, and I punched you in the face.”_

_“And then you kissed me again.  So a rather successful outing, you have to admit.”_

_“I’m going to punch you again, too, when we get to the ground.  And it’s going to hurt a lot more this time.”_

_“Why’s that?”_

_“’Cause I’m going to be wearing that ring.”_

 

* * *

 

Arthur retreated to the furthest part of the house he could find, which happened to be an empty guest bedroom on the second floor.  He dropped down on the bed and buried his face in his hands.  Why now?  After all this time?  Arthur had been so sure he would never have to see Merlin again.  Last he’d heard Merlin had left the country with no plans to return.  So why had he come back?  Certainly not just because he was friends with Gwaine.  Merlin had left behind plenty of friends in England.  Granted, many of them felt as Morgana did and would rip his head off as soon as look at him, but there were some, like Gwen, who still defended him if anyone dared to raise the topic.

Ten minutes after he had buried himself away, attempting to distract his thoughts with a mindless game of 2048, the door opened.  Arthur expected it to be Morgana come to yell at him for being a coward, or maybe Mithian to inform him his father was looking for him.  Instead Gwaine poked his head in.  He oddly didn’t look angry to find Arthur hiding in a restricted section of the house.

“That sister of yours is down there demanding that my wife toss my best friend bodily out the door,” he said cheerfully, leaning against the doorframe.  “Since it’s cutting into the time I could be spending losing handily at bowling, would you care to explain why?”

“Who knows why Morgana does the things she does?”  Arthur grumbled, poking aggressively at his mobile.

“Well this time I’m guessing you do, mate.  Since your name seems to be being tossed around quite a bit.”

“Then perhaps she’s defending me.  She does have _some_ nice qualities.”

Gwaine raised an eyebrow, looking rather unimpressed by Arthur’s evasion.  “See, that’s the part I don’t get.  ‘Cause I know Merlin, have for nearly three years now.  He couldn’t hurt a rampaging bear if it slaughtered his kitten.  So what exactly is he supposed to have done to you to cause such a fuss?”

Arthur grimaced.  He’d once believed that of Merlin, too.  That and more.  Merlin had been his entire world for four years, and a pretty huge part of it for ten years before that, right up until the moment he wasn’t anymore.  “It’s complicated.”

“String theory is complicated.  Rubik’s cubes are complicated.  Why Ellie spends a full day once a month attempting to redecorate the den we never use except at parties is complicated.  But you know the thing about complicated?  There’s always someone for whom it’s not.  Now stop pussy footing around and tell me why my mate looked ready to cry when he saw you.”

“Because he’s a giant whimpering girl.”  Arthur meant to snap it, but it came out regretfully fond.  Then he felt a surge of anger for it.  He was the wrong-footed one here.  There should be no fondness left.  Merlin shouldn’t be allowed to keep this hold over him.  “Maybe he feels sorry.  What do I know about what Merlin’s thinking?  Obviously nothing.  Why don’t you go ask him? Not that you can trust a word that comes out of his mouth.”

“Oh, so you dated him then.”  Gwaine said it so matter-of-factly, so nonchalantly, like it hadn’t been the single most devastating moment of his life.

“I didn’t just _date_ him,” Arthur retorted, his fists clenched tight.  He had to rein in the urge to punch someone, Gwaine, Merlin, whoever came close enough first.  “I was going to _marry_ him.”

“And why didn’t you?”

“Because _apparently_ that wasn’t what he wanted.   _I_ wasn’t what he wanted.”

 

* * *

 

_“What’s taking him so long?”  Arthur paced his little room, ignoring Lance’s pleas to stop before he wore a hole in the carpet._

_“I don’t know.”  Leon glanced at his mobile for the hundredth time.  “Gwen said he went to the bathroom fifteen minutes ago, but she hasn’t sent an update since.”_

_“Well tell your girlfriend to go in there and drag him out!”_

_“Arthur, stop panicking,” Lance soothed.  “You know Merlin doesn’t run on the same time clock as the rest of us.”_

_“Today’s our **wedding**!  You’d think he’d at least make an effort!”_

_This whole “the grooms can’t see or talk to each other until the ceremony” decree that Morgana had insisted upon was driving him nuts.  Merlin needed Arthur to remind him of the little things, like being on time and not tripping over his shoelaces._

_Arthur froze in his strides.  “Oh God.  What if he’s reconsidering?”_

_“He is **not** reconsidering,” Lance sighed, growing frustrated himself.  “Merlin loves you.  Trust me, if he was going to leave you, he would have done it after you thought forcing him to face his biggest fear was the height of romance.  No pun intended.”_

_“Look, I’ll see if Gwen can hurry him up a bit, okay?”  Leon promised.  “All else fails we’ll sic Morgana on him.  She’ll drag him down the aisle with his trousers round his ankles.”_

_The image of that was not one Arthur needed in his head right now, not when he couldn’t use it while being able to actually see and touch his soon-to-be-husband.  But as he pictured a naked Merlin reading his vows Arthur couldn’t take it anymore.  He snatched his own mobile from his garment bag._

_“Wait, Arthur, you can’t-”_

_“Obviously I’m going to ha-”_

_The world fell away.  Dimly Arthur heard voices continuing in the background, but he couldn’t have named them or repeated what they said.  His knees gave way and he dropped to a seat, but there was no chair actually behind him and he ended up on the floor.  The voices grew louder, but Arthur’s focus was on the single message in his inbox._

> I’m sorry.  I can’t do this.  Good bye.

_Arthur shook off his –friends? attackers?- and raced down the hall.  The voices chased after him, but Arthur’s mind was too full of panic, a screaming repetition of NO! and PLEASE!  He ripped open the door to Merlin’s dressing room.  Gwen and Freya looked at him curiously.  But the one he was looking for wasn’t there._

_According to Merlin’s mother, he boarded a plane that night.  He never said where he was going.  And he never came back._

 

* * *

 

“Excuse me, Gwaine?”  Mithian appeared in the doorway, cutting off any attempt by Gwaine for an explanation into that statement.  “Merlin wants to say good-bye.”

“Good-bye?”  Gwaine’s eyes narrowed.  “I told Ellie we weren’t throwing him out, no matter what her highness demanded.”

Mithian shrugged, though her own face twitched at the insult to Morgana.  “Elena didn’t throw him out.  Merlin offered to leave.  He’s waiting for you in the study.”

“Bloody self-sacrificing idiot,” Gwaine grumbled under his breath, storming from the room.

Mithian turned on Arthur.  “Are you alright?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?  It’s been three years.  He doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.”

Mithian raised an eyebrow. “And that’s why you looked like you’ve been hit by a lorry?”  She came and sat by him on the bed.  “For what it’s worth, I think he was just as affected by seeing you here.  Even before Morgana started yelling at him I could see he looked sad.”

“Why does everyone keep bringing that up?” Arthur growled.  “Like the fact that he’s upset is supposed to mean anything?  What, do you want me to feel sorry for him?   _He’s_ the one who left _me_ , Mithian.  I hope he _is_ sad.  I hope he regrets it for the rest of his life.  But I’m not forgiving him just because he sheds a few tears.”

“No one is asking you to, Arthur,” she assured him.  “But from what I’ve heard, you never got an explanation about why he left you in the first place, and he cut you and everyone else off so you never could.  But he’s back now.  Why not see if he’s willing to talk?”

“I don’t owe him-”

“No, you don’t.  But doesn’t he owe you?”

Oh, but Arthur was so afraid.  Because as he’d realized earlier, behind all his anger and sadness, there was an aching love still left behind, unwillingly guarded against the unwanted chance that maybe Merlin would return, claim he’d been body-swapped, or had hallucinations, or been kidnapped, and swear that he’d never meant to leave Arthur and would he please take him back?

To which the answer would be no.  It had to be.  No matter what Arthur harboured, his heart couldn’t take it if Merlin crushed it again.  Arthur had been forced into therapy the last time for his depression.  Next time might actually kill him.

“Morgana and I will wait outside if you like.  You can leave whenever you like.  But I really do think it would make you feel better to at least let him know what it did to you, and maybe hear perhaps a bit of the reason why.”

Arthur hesitated.  Three years ago, he would have given anything to hear an explanation.  Now he wasn’t sure he cared.  Except he did.  Damn his traitorous heart.

“You promise you’ll be there?”

“Near as you want me.  Except in the room.  You two need to do this alone.”

Arthur let her lead him from the room and back towards the party.  They spotted Gwaine brooding in a corner and made a beeline for him.  Gwaine glowered as they approached.

“My sister fucked up once.  Okay, way more than once, but one time I thought I would never speak to her again.  She sold my dog to get money for her drug habit.  Yet she’s coming next week for Christmas.  Whatever Merlin’s done, he doesn’t deserve this.”

“Where is he?  Did he leave?”  Arthur was grateful Mithian was there to ask for him.

“No.  He’s still in the study,” Gwaine gestured with a flick of his wrist.  “He was supposed to spend the night here so he didn’t bring any cash for a bus back.  I, being the best mate that I am, refused to lend him any.  You see, I don’t feel like scraping him off the floor of any more pubs.”

Arthur brushed aside the twinge of annoyance that once again Gwaine was trying to get him to pity Merlin.  He didn’t, and he wouldn’t.  “You know what, Mith, I think I want to do this on my own.”

“Are you sure?”  She looked at him, face filled with concern.  “You know I don’t mind.”

“I’m sure.”  He gave her a kiss on the cheek.  “Go find Morgana.  Stop her from drowning her fury in champagne.  Father will be furious with me if she starts throwing her Manolo Blahniks at the idiots who try to chat her up again.”

Arthur followed Gwaine’s gesture, though he eventually had to pause and ask a server for directions.  The study was away from the general hubbub of the party, in one of the far corners of the house.  Arthur was surprised, though he thought he could understand.  Gwaine and Elena seemed like the kind of people to strike up a conversation with anyone who passed by.  To get anything done they would have to completely shut themselves off.

The door was ajar when Arthur approached.  Oddly he was sure he could hear a voice from the other side.  A voice that was not Merlin’s, but was familiar nonetheless.

“-thought you were gone for good.”

“I thought I was too.  Don’t worry, I’ll be gone again soon.  I’m just here for the party.  Arthur won’t have to deal with me long.”

“He wasn’t supposed to deal with you at all,” Uther retorted.  “You made a promise, Mr Emrys.”

“It’s not like I deliberately came knowing he would be here!”  Merlin snapped back.  “Trust me, if I had had a chance to look at the guest list, I would be back in my flat with a bottle of vodka right now.”

Arthur remembered what Gwaine had said about scraping Merlin off the floor of pubs.  Dimly he wondered just how big a drinking problem Merlin may have developed over the years.  Then Merlin continued the odd conversation, and it got pushed to the back of his mind.

“I don’t see why you’re worried.  I met Mithian.  She seems lovely.  Very _female_.”

Arthur loved his father, but he couldn’t deny noticing Uther had been less than upset when Merlin had jilted him at the wedding.  He’d known his father hadn’t liked Merlin, mostly hadn’t liked that Merlin was a male, and lower-class, and just generally not even close to the match Uther wanted for him.  It wasn’t even a problem with him being homophobic; in his mind if other people wanted to be gay, they could go forth with rainbows and unicorns.  But not his children.  His children had to produce heirs and continue the Pendragon line.

“She’s very lovely.  I suppose Arthur told you he’s planning to propose?”

Arthur gaped.  He certainly was not!

There came an audible swallow, and Merlin’s voice was small when he answered. “I’m glad Arthur found someone who could make him happy.”

“Arthur is set to take over the company next spring.  He doesn’t need any setbacks.  You are going to leave, right now, or our deal is off.”

Deal?

“What?  You can’t do that!”  Merlin sputtered.  “I kept my side of the bargain; you can’t go back on it for an honest mistake!”

“I think we established long ago what I can and cannot do, Mr Emrys.”

“If- if you go back on it, then- then so will I!  I’ll tell Arthur.”

“No you won’t.”  His father sounded so sure, but then suddenly, so did Merlin.

“I will.  You don’t even realize you’re giving empty threats.  Arthur already hates me.  If you’re going to hurt him anyway, what more do I have to lose?  You can go ahead and play your hand, but your cards are worthless now."

Okay, _what_?

 

* * *

 

 

_“Mr Emrys.  I was hoping to find you here.”_

_“Sir?”  Merlin shifted nervously.  Arthur’s father always made him nervous.  The man had made no secret of his distaste for his son’s relationship.  Being cornered by him in the men’s loo wasn’t Merlin’s idea of a good time._

_“I have a proposition for you, Mr Emrys.”_

_Merlin stiffened.  He should have seen this coming.  “I don’t care what you offer to pay me.  I’m not leaving Arthur.”_

_“I’m not here to give you money, Mr Emrys.  After all, if you marry my son, you will have all the money you could want at your disposal.”_

_“And I don’t care if you want to get me fired, or tell the world I’m some kind of kinky sadist or sic a hit man on me.”_

_“I’m not here to threaten you either.  No, I understand you far better than that, Mr Emrys.”_

_Merlin was a bit more nervous at that.  Not threats or money?  What else was left?_

_“I’m simply going to illustrate for you the two choices you have before you.  One: you can leave right now and never come back.”_

_“I think we’ve established that isn’t going to happen.”_

_“Patience, Mr Emrys.  You will never come back, and Arthur will continue on as my heir to my company and fortune.  Two: You can marry my son, and I will disown him and cast him out.”_

_Merlin gaped.  “You can’t do that!”  He wouldn’t do that.  Would he?_

_“Those are your choices.  Arthur can have me or he can have you.  Keep in mind, should you choose yourself, I will inform him you are the reason he has become an orphan.  He will grow to resent you.  He will cast you aside in hopes of forgiveness, but he will have lost both of us and where will he be then?_

_“But if you choose me, Arthur will never know.  I will not tell him why you have left, and neither will you, because the same cycle will take place.”_

_Merlin stood frozen, heart shattering as the last cards were laid down.  A choice.  This was no **choice**.  No matter what, he hurt Arthur.  It would kill him to lose Merlin, and much as he complained about him, it would **destroy** him to lose his father.  Tears trickled down his cheeks before he had even come to a decision (oh, who was he kidding?  He’d known what his decision was destined to be the moment Uther had made it clear he wanted Merlin gone)._

_“I have here a one-way ticket for tonight.  There is a job lined up for you and a flat paid for the next year.”  Merlin automatically reached out his hand for the slips of paper, hardly feeling them as he wrapped his fingers around them.  “Remember, you are not to come back.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“It should have been Arthur’s choice in the first place.  I never should have agreed to keep silent.  I’m tired of lying to him.”

Arthur pushed open the door and stepped inside.  “You’re right; it should have been my decision.”

Uther’s eyes widened in surprise, and he took a step back before gathering himself together.  Merlin just stared glumly at the floor.  “Son, you’ve misunderstood.  I was just explaining to Mr Emrys how you did not wish to see him and asked him to leave.  I understand your sister was unsuccessful in her earlier attempts to appeal to the hostess.”

“What was the deal, Merlin?”

“Arthur-”

“No, Father.”  Arthur was impressed how even his voice came out compared to the fury boiling inside him.  He didn’t know which one he was more enraged with.  “He’s the one who chose not to tell me years ago, so he’s the one who’s going to tell me now.  What did he offer you to leave me?”

Merlin didn’t meet his eyes as he told him the details.  Arthur felt his blood boil and freeze by turns.  How could his father do this to him?  How could Merlin go along with it?

“I’m sorry, Arthur,” Merlin finished in a whisper.

“Yes, well.  I’ll deal with you in a minute,” Arthur replied shortly, turning his back on him and facing his father fully.  “You had no right to interfere in my life like this.  I understand in your own twisted way you thought you were doing what was best for me, but you were wrong.  I love my job, but I’m sure I’ll still love it working for someone else.  I quit.”

“Arthur, you can’t-”

Arthur cut his father off with a glare that could have cut diamonds.  “I will also no longer be referring to Mithian as my partner, girlfriend, and certainly never fiancée.  She and Morgana have put up with the subterfuge for long enough and deserve to be allowed to say such things aloud about each other.  I thought Morgana was mad when she suggested we pretend otherwise, but now I’m very glad we did so you couldn’t do this to her as well.

“You will go home and compose the most heartfelt apology you have ever composed in your entire life and while you’re doing it remember that _I am your son_ , not a bargaining chip.”

“Arthur-”

“ _Good night,_ Father.”

Arthur waited until Uther had closed the door behind him before turning to face Merlin.  The other man looked even more miserable than when Arthur had first walked in.  Not much had changed about him in three years.  He was still thin as a wisp –perhaps even a bit thinner- though it was hard to tell what was just the effect of the too-large hoodie he’d thrown on over his dress shirt.  It was hard for Arthur to focus on what he needed to do now, what with Merlin’s distractingly familiar rolled out of bed hair and clear blue eyes and full lips Arthur wanted to be permanently attached to –when they weren’t busy attaching to other things.

He wasn’t sure what he was feeling now.  Now that Uther had been dealt with and gone, the bulk of Arthur’s anger had gone with him, but a good chunk of it was still there, that part that had festered away inside him even as he had tried to forgive and move on over the years.  It wasn’t Merlin’s fault.  Not entirely.  Merlin hadn’t _wanted_ to abandon him.  But he had, and they both had to deal with the consequences of that.

“I couldn’t let you be miserable, Arthur,” Merlin murmured to the floorboards.  His arms dangled at his sides, almost as if he had lost the strength or motivation to lift them.  His fingers fiddled with the frayed sleeves of his hoodie, a hoodie Arthur recognized as one of his own, a ratty thing he’d simply thought Morgana had thrown out.  “You loved your father.  I couldn’t be the reason you lost him.”

“I loved _you, too_ , idiot.”  Merlin chanced a glance up at this, and Arthur caught a glimpse of tears sparkling on his cheeks.  “I was miserable without _you_.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You left.  You walked away, and you couldn’t even grant me more than a text with a simple ‘ _so long._ ’  A _text_ , Merlin.”  He had saved that text.  Refused to get a new mobile just so he wouldn’t lose it.  Arthur didn’t know why he had to keep it, just… he’d had to.  “Didn’t I deserve more than that?”

“You deserved _everything_ , Arthur!” Merlin exclaimed, voice wrecked.  Finally he locked eyes with Arthur.  “Do you even get how hard it was to stay away from you all these years?  I dialled your number _every night_ that first year.  I wanted to tell you what had happened, to beg you to take me back.  I wanted this to have never happened.”

Somehow Merlin’s sudden animation helped Arthur to raise his own voice as well, fuelling it with every bit of bitterness he’d built up in their time apart.  “Then why _didn’t_ you tell me?  Were you afraid I wouldn’t choose you?”

“I knew you would,” Merlin said softly, the tiniest ghost of a smile on his lips.  “But I didn’t want to put you in that position.”

Arthur deflated completely.  That was his Merlin.  Always trying to save Arthur from every pain, even if it killed him.  But this time he hadn’t been able to absorb all the hurt for himself.

Arthur took a step forward, closing the gap.  Merlin’s hands were trembling, but he did nothing to try to still them.  Arthur wanted to reach out and touch him, but this moment was fragile as glass, and the wrong move could send them shattering to the ground. He willed his arms to remain at his sides, forcing himself to give Merlin his space.

“You’re not the one who came up with this ultimatum.  You’re not the one who drove Uther away.  He decided that for himself.  But, Merlin…” Arthur sighed.  His anger was gone, but Uther was right.  Arthur did resent Merlin. He couldn’t help it.  Just not for the reason Uther thought he would.  “You shouldn’t have kept this from me.  If a choice had to be made, I should have been the one to make it.”

“I know,” came the whisper.

“I’m very upset with you.”

“I know.”

Arthur carefully reached out and cupped Merlin’s cheek.  “I still love you.”

“…Me too.”

Something broke between them, and Merlin flung himself onto Arthur, wrapping his arms tight around his neck.  Arthur returned the gesture, holding Merlin as close as he could manage, as if by doing so he could erase the distance of the past three years.  Merlin shook with sobs and only a lifetime of being taught never ever to let himself cry kept Arthur from joining him.  As it was, Merlin was going to have a small damp spot on his sweatshirt, hidden beneath the folds of the hood.

Arthur lifted his head just enough to press a kiss into the side of Merlin’s neck, trailing his lips up so he could repeat the gesture on his jaw, then his cheek, then his forehead.  Merlin tangled his fingers in Arthur’s hair and maneuvered his mouth back down to meet his own lips, which stayed unmoving, just touched lightly, slightly open, breathing warmly into Arthur’s mouth.

“I won’t ever leave you again,” he whispered.

“You promise?”

Merlin squeezed a hand between them to reach down his shirt, pulling out a string from around his neck.  Dangling from it was a very familiar gold band.  “Not if you’ll still have me.”

Arthur pulled away, letting go of Merlin so he could lift the string off him.  He held it for a moment, this tangible reminder of what they'd once had.  Merlin had kept it all these years, even in the knowledge that even if Arthur should learn the truth of their separation, the damage may still have been too great to repair.  Yanking hard, the simple cord snapped, and the ring came loose into his palm.

Pressing it first to his own lips, Arthur took hold of Merlin’s hand and wordlessly slipped the band back onto his finger.

 

* * *

 

 

They walked out of the study hand in hand.  Gwaine beamed at them as they entered the main parlour, and Arthur tugged Merlin over to where Morgana was standing off to the side, her mouth dropped open in shock.  Apparently Uther had decided not to confront her yet about their subterfuge.

Morgana opened her mouth immediately as they drew near, to hiss a vile reprimand at Merlin if the look in her eyes was anything to go by.  Arthur cut her off, grinning widely and tightening his grip on Merlin’s hand.  “I’m sorry I didn’t properly introduce you two earlier.  Merlin, I’m sure you remember my sister, Morgana.  This is her girlfriend, Mithian.”  Mithian’s eyebrows rose in surprise and Morgana’s jaw audibly clicked shut.  “Mith, this is Merlin, my fiancé.”

Merlin’s smile was nearly manic in its brilliance.  He held out his free hand to shake Mithian’s.  “A pleasure to meet you, Mithian.  And always a joy to see you, Morgana.”

Morgana’s brow furrowed, but this time Arthur could see it was in concern.  “Arthur, are you su-”

Again Arthur cut her off, kissing her cheek.  “Enjoy your night with your girlfriend, Morgana.”

Arthur led Merlin away, spinning him around to face him and then holding him close once more, hands on Merlin’s hips.  He began to sway to the soft Christmas music in the background, inciting Merlin to move with him.

“Arthur,” Merlin laughed softly, resting his head on Arthur’s shoulder, “this isn’t a dancing kind of party.”

“It’s either this or we make rather a mess of one of Gwaine and Elena’s guest rooms,” Arthur murmured into his ear.  “Either way, I don’t plan on allowing a bit of space between us any time soon.”

Merlin’s head shot up.  He grinned slyly.  “Did they happen to mention I’m staying the night here?”

“Why yes, I believe they did.”

It was Merlin’s turn to lead Arthur through the mansion, up to his guest room and into his bed.   _Where we belong.  Together_. Arthur felt in a dream as he slowly stripped his lover, rejoicing in every millimetre of skin that was once again his to caress and kiss and cherish.  He nearly wept as he buried himself once more, _finally_ , into Merlin, kissing him deeply and licking into his mouth to savour what had only been a memory before.  They fell asleep still clinging to one another, neither willing to let go ever again.


End file.
